Then & Now

It was one year ago today, Thanksgiving Day, that we visited Anastasiya at the orphanage and then were granted permission to take her to Kiev with us.  We ate dinner at McDonald’s. Needless to say, we were very grateful for the feast we ate today with family and friends.  As we look back on the past year, we have so much to be thankful for.  This time last year, our only communication was through the computer, a translator, or creative hand gestures.  Things were good, but awkward.  Our family was spread across the world.  Now, we not only have the day to spend together, but the communication and cohesion are wonderful.  Anastasiya was fascinated by Thanksgiving, and her favorite part was the pumpkin pie.  She helped me prepare some of the food, and said, “That’s a big turkey!”  Our friends comment on how smart and full of life Anastasiya is.  The Lord has really blessed and grown our family literally and figuratively over the last few years.  Some fun stats:  Allie turned sixteen and got behind the wheel, Andrew grew 5 inches and passed up mom, Anastasiya has a tremendous vocabulary and good grades, and Adam earned his second belt in Muay Tai.  We appreciate your continued prayers for our family and many friends we have who are in Ukraine right now adopting children.  Happy Thanksgiving!

In process, but making progress

It’s been awhile since we’ve updated everyone on how our family is doing.   By and large, we are adjusting well.  Anastasiya has been home for 7 months now. She is super motivated and people are amazed at how far she has come! When she first arrived, she wasn’t interested in playing a sport, music lessons, dance etc. However, she just finished her first season of volleyball and she is taking piano lessons. It’s great to see her gaining confidence and overcoming shyness.
All of the kids are working hard in school and making good grades, and I am so grateful that God has answered my prayers that they would all settle in – especially the three that changed schools.
In the midst of all the good things, we are definitely still undergoing the process of becoming comfy with each other.  I read a quote in a book that said, “Home is where you can go without being a guest.” We are all working toward becoming a seamless family where no one has to feel like the guest. It takes time: we can’t do it like Mike and Carol Brady who achieved this in one or two episodes. Adam has been part of the family for three years now, and I am really beginning to notice a marked difference, so I know that it will happen with Anastasiya as well.  The spiritual battle doesn’t end when you get home!  When I think of all the hard work it took to bring them home to America or all the hours of labor to bring them into the world, it seems to pale in comparison to the years of work we have ahead of us. I am reminded that “It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.”  I don’t have the power to do it myself. For now, we will take things one day at a time and do our best to recognize the successes.

A sister’s view of adoption by Allie

There are many joys and many hardships in adopting. Adopting in Ukraine was difficult in many ways. One of them being the time spent in Ukraine and the other being the language barrier. For our first adoption, we spent a total of six weeks in Ukraine. Many of those days we were without all meals, staying in very old run down apartments with an inability to communicate with the locals when our translator was busy. For out second adoption, my parents were in Ukraine for nine weeks. They left on my birthday, were gone for Thanksgiving, and were home barely in time for Christmas. My sister didn’t get home until after Christmas, though. My mom flew back and forth twice, and my dad three times.  There are many stories I could share involving our stay in Ukraine, but there is much more to say about the post adoption adjustment.

When first arriving in Ukraine, our supervisor told us about this boy and girl that were in need of a family. My parents got permission to visit these kids, so we drove down to Tulchen, Ukraine to pay them a visit. When we got there we found out that the children had been hosted in Italy and were promised a home and many other things there. Sadly, though, because of Italian law, there were complications that caused the family to be unable to adopt these children. The children did not fully understand this, and they wanted to go to Italy, not home with us. This was very disappointing for our family, and we had to start our process in Ukraine all over again. When we finally got the chance to see pictures (this is how one finds the child they want to pursue in adoption) of more children, my parents felt led to a six year boy of the name Vladislav. When first meeting him, he was shy and looked terrified of us. So, my parents pulled out some toy cars and Andrew and Vladislav passed the car back and forth. Vladislav saw how I was sitting there just watching, so he passed the car to me as to include me. Vladislav seemed eager to have a family and he loved to hold mine and Andrew’s hands when going places. Upon first meeting him, I knew he was the right fit for our family.

After adopting Adam, as we named him to give him an English name, our family went crazy wanting to meet him, which is both good and bad. We had about two and a half weeks before school started that August, and we were trying to cram in family visits. Adam got loads of attention and gifts which was good for him, but put me and Andrew on the back burner. Andrew and I felt very left out during Adam’s first few months in America. One thing I never remember thinking, though, is “Why did we do this? Why can’t we just send him back?” Adam picked up on English fairly fast. We put him in kindergarten all day so that he would hear things twice, and hopefully pick up on them. He came with absolutely no English, so we had to start from the bottom up. The excitement of his adoption eventually died down, but there have still been many difficulties. Adam gets in trouble a lot at school mostly for behavioral issues. Adam likes to please people and doesn’t like to disappoint, so he is working hard at following instructions. He is also good at apologizing without being told, which is a respectable trait. Adam also has many difficulties with math, money in particular. He still struggles with English, but he has come a long way. Adam is nine years old now and is going into third grade. I am so proud of him because I know that he has had to work extremely hard, especially because he is in a private school. It is hard for me to be patient with him and be kind to him because he is six years younger than me and I am not used to that. My biological brother and I are a year and a half apart so we went through life stages together and experienced life together. Now, we have this nine year old, who is still discovering things about life and saying things that my brother and I are like, “no duh!” But I still love Adam to death and I am so glad that he is a part of our family!

Anastasiya’s adoption was different in many ways from Adam’s. Anastasiya came to America for a camp this last summer, so that is where we met her. The camp is called UOO (Ukraine Orphan Outreach) and this non- profit organization brings Ukraine orphans to America every summer to both meet families interested in adopting and to get to experience America. My family hangs out with these kids and helps plan some events, but not in the pursuit of adoption…or so my parents thought. One afternoon my parents told Andrew and I that they felt that God had called them to adopt an eleven year old girl by the name of Anastasiya from the UOO camp. We were ecstatic! I was so excited that I was finally going to have a little sister!

After my parents finally came home with Anastasiya, she didn’t get quite as much attention as Adam did, but our family and friends were still excited to get to meet her. She came with a basic foundation of English, which was nice, but she had to jump almost right into school. She was able to be in my mom’s fifth grade class, which was a blessing. She was very popular and has made many friends. She is so excited to have siblings, but especially a sister. I get frustrated with this excitement sometimes, though. She likes to help, which is good, but sometimes she gets over helpful. I like to do things on my own, I am perfectly capable, but she likes to jump right in and take over. She also talks a lot, but doesn’t have the full English, so her sentences aren’t complete and it takes a lot of charades to get a story across, and might I add, it is a story that should take two minutes to explain, but ends up taking about ten minutes and I’m still left confused about what or why she is saying this. I still love her, and I am glad she is here. There is just a lot of adjusting for me to have a sister, who is a lot like me. I do not get along well with certain personalities, and my personality is one of those, so I have to work on patience and understanding with Anastasiya. One thing that I see in her is gratefulness. Every time she prays, she thanks God for her family. She loves to just randomly run up and give me a kiss and tell me she loves me which always puts a smile on my face.

Although there are adjustments and compromise involved in adopting, I wouldn’t trade my little brother and sister for the world. They both adore me, which is so cute! They love to draw me pictures, and give me their toys. They also love to play games with me-hide and go seek is their favorite. Like I stated before, I have never wanted to send them back to Ukraine, I just need breaks. The idea of being a family of four, to five, then to six isn’t the hard part of the adoption for me. My family did foster care for about two years, so we are used to having new family members. The hard part of the adoption is the time it takes to get settled into the family of five then six. It takes time, but we will get there. I love having a big family and I want a big family of my own someday. Adoption has opened my eyes to so much and God has been there all along the way to guide us, we just have to look for Him. I feel blessed to have been a life changing part of these kid’s lives, and I can’t wait to see them continue to grow!

Full swing of summer

We’re so glad to have the last few months under our belt.  The school year ended well for all of the kids and now we are enjoying the relaxation of summer.  We were able to enjoy a short stint at the beach for some good old family bonding.  It was a great trip with lots of fun in the sun.  We’re a big show to put on the road (or in the air), but it was worth it.  It was nice to not have other distractions, and the kids all got along great.  Back at home, the days do get long and I’m on the lookout for things to keep everyone busy and happy. Anastasiya had a wave of homesickness this weekend.  Richard took her out for ice cream because to his way of thinking, ice cream can fix just about anything (hey – it kinda worked in Ukraine!). We also promised her a phone call home and that helped, too.  She had a great time catching up with her aunt.  Then I, knowing what helps any girl who’s down in the dumps, took her shopping!  She’s doing much better now. In a few weeks, it will be her 12th birthday. We’re excited to share that day with her!

April Appraisal

As we look back on the past two months, we are very grateful for how well things are going overall. We’ve established our new routine, and things are very busy, but running smoothly.  Anastasiya is learning more and more English and fitting into school nicely. For the most part, the kids get along.  It is funny(sometimes) to see her and Adam jockey for position in the house. They have the typical love/hate relationship the older two have at times. With the coming of warmer weather, the four of them have enjoyed going to the park together. The other day Anastasiya told Richard something about Allie being the only sister she’s ever had, and Andrew and Adam being the first brothers.  Richard told her that she is the only sister Allie has ever had, too!  When Allie was asking her about her friends at school and who her best friend was, she told Allie that she is her best friend. So the adjustment goes on, and we are happy with the progress so far.  We updated our family picture:

Peace

My prayer for our family this past month has been that God would give us peace.  He has definitely answered that prayer although the house doesn’t always “sound” peaceful because of the laughter and craziness of the kids’ play. I also hoped that filling in the age gap between Adam and Andrew would help, and it has.  They all four interact much more than the older two would do with just Adam. Anastasiya is happy at home and school, and pairs up with her sister or with Andrew or with Adam at any given time if they aren’t all together.  The girls like being with each other, and Anastasiya looks up to her big sister. I think she’s envious of Allie’s retainer! That’s okay – everyone thinks braces are so glamorous until they actually get them!  She goes to the dentist next week, so I hope our pocketbooks aren’t in big trouble. She likes to read and will sometimes spend some quiet time in her room reading.  She has read through the books Richard bought her in Ukraine, but Luda let her borrow her stash and then helped us order some more on-line from a Russian website.  When she’s not reading, she definitely prefers company which is good, but sometimes a little clingy.  At school, I am working to keep her busy!  I’m having her work some on English learning but I’m also trying to have her do what the other kids are doing as much as possible. My brain is behaving like I was actually pregnant four times- I think I’ve lost brain cells with each adoption.  I can’t form much of a coherent thought or make any major decisions on a weekday.  By Friday evenings, I’m asleep on the couch at 9:00. Richard is back to traveling for work, so getting all four kids out the door to get Allie to high school by 7:00 am is a little tiring. But, we are making it, and God has been good to us! We hope to post a professional family picture on our next blog. We are splurging on some nice photos next weekend (maybe). Anastasiya got a black eye swimming at the rec center (she’s not sure how!) with a new friend from school. I’m hoping that the touch ups will work well enough.  I’d rather re-schedule than try to make the other eye look like it’s wearing the same “make-up.”  I don’t want it to look like my 11 year old is that kind of girl!

We appreciate your continued prayers as we figure out our new lives!  A prayer for peace is what we have in mind!

The Houghton Kids

It’s been just under a week since Anastasiya arrived, and things have been going very well.  The kids have been playing games, and the girls have been bonding with pedicures and beading.  Anastasiya likes school so far!  I think it helps that mom is the teacher.  She does seem eager to practice English now. The kids have been enjoying learning some Ukrainian words. No big problems yet – we’re in the honeymoon phase of the adoption.  She did cry and get upset when I took her for a trim with the hairstylist.  She barely cut even a 1/4 of an inch off her hair, but you would have thought she took out the clippers for a buzz cut.  Crisis is over, though, and we continue to settle into a rhythm.